You will always be my boo.

.. Look what I've done. I've let her slip away just like that. Why? I wasn't the dude she fell in love with from the beginning. Throughout the relationship ive changed, in a bad way. Everything that I wanted to be for her turned out to be the complete opposite of what I wanted her to expect from me.. Especially me. Yeah, I was there for her, but not 24/7 like I promised. I would be there for her if she needed a ride to work or home or even needed me to give her back massage when she needed it. But at night, that's when I become ghost. It's like I have no control over my body the. I suddenly knock out without knowing how it happened. This doesn't happen a couple of times.. It happens all of the time. I don't even remember the last time I've said sweet dreams to her properly. She would try to wake me up with the pings and phone calls. It I wouldnt wake up. There are way more problems than this but to me I feel like me not being there for her is a big deal. Especially after her Lola passed away.. Till this day, hour, minute, second I feel like shit for not being there for her. And you know what kills me the most? When her Lola passed away I was in the room with her at the hospital, her cousins and Lola. Once everyone said their goodbyes I was the last one there with her tito at the door waiting for me. Before I left the room, I walked up to her, held her cold, soft right hand and told her that I will take care of her granddaughter.. I promise. Kissed her on the forehead and left. Ever since, I've been disappointing the both of them. Always asking for another chance, apologizing and saying that I won't do it again. Not this time. I don't think there is anymore room for chances. It is like I took every chance I got for granted. Although I've made mistakes, I still pray to Lola. Everytime I do, I always tell her to watch over Michelle because I know she needs you. Yet I don't think I have to tell her that because she's always with Michelle and the rest of her family. If I could change the way I've been lately then I would. I just wish I knew how. To be honest this has probably been the lowest I've ever felt. I wish I could take it back to when we were good. To when I had you giddy all of the time when you talk to me. To when I took you to the EX for the first time, when we played ball at the school across from your house, when we used to video chat and so on. Now that you and I are both in the positions we're in, it wont be like that again. Small things do make a big difference. Just know that I wont hurt you this way and maybe you'll soon realize that this is what you needed for you to be happy and focus on you and the other things going on in your life. You won't be disappointed anymore. I wish my actions weren't so stupid.. Now look at us. Never thought I'd be in this situation with you. Just letting you know for the last time that I'm so sorry. What can I do? She was right.. The only time when we argue is when I try to fix things and try hard to keep this relationship. I'm still going to try though, no doubt. That's my girl right there. I miss you, Miche. I love you and you'll always be my boo.

Your welcome.

Hey babe.. so I took it upon myself to try to fix your nasty blogspot,  Lil Wayne.. really? That had to be the first thing to go. It's been awhile since I've played around with templates so this is the best I could do, sorry I don't remember a thing! Anyway, I doubt you'll even use this to vent but if and when you do, feel free to change things around. Okay well you're growing impatient on the phone, silently waiting for me.. :) So I'm getting off this to attend to your fat ass.
Love, michelle.

LOLL

NO NO NOOOOOO
OH YES YES YESSS ! :P
wow ahaha

Rest In Peace..

Rest In Peace Mamang..
Even though i didn't know her as well, but i know for sure that she was like a second mother to her grandchildren. But mostly close with Jenno's fam. It hurts to see part of the fam to leave, but the good thing is that she left all of us peacefully. Stay strong fam, you and your fam will get through this tough time. My fam is right behind you no matter what. No worries bro, you know shes watching over you and protecting you always..

5:15am

Tooooo much shit going through my mind right now. The night was going fine until i felt like i was being a thrid wheel. That ended up to anger. That ended up to dents on my wall. That ended up icing my knuckles. I honestly just cant believe that this night happened. This is the only time im expressing this situation out, i really do not want to talk about this night constantly with people asking " yoo what happened ? you can tell me. this is just between me and you i swear i wont tell" i had enough of that right now. It also sucks to know your having second thoughts but your decision will be fine with me, and i know, i wouldnt want the past to happen again and i really, truly do not want to hurt you again, i hope you know that. Im not going to lie, times are hard now and days and now you just have to find a way to keep things for ourselves that we can't say that is personal to us. Right now all i need is fam and friends who are true to me. I cant handle all this stress and bullshit. I just need you people to bare with me and just wishing all this shit talking will end SOON ! Some people just got to realize to let the other people deal with themselves. Let them fucking be. If they don't like the shit you do, then let em be. If they dont agree with the same shit you dont agree on, then let em be. If that person doesn't want to listen to your opinion, let em be. If the person wants to be with someone that you think isnt good for that person, let em be, just give them the advice they need and just let that person go, let the person feel dumb if they dont listen to you, let em be. If that person wants something that they want then LET THEM FUCKING BE !
No one is asking for a lot, but i know that all they want is for them to keep their own buisness. Theres no need for anyone to be stressed about how they live their life because of the shit thats been talked about them behind their backs. Just allow that person to live what they want live, do what they want to do, be what they want to be.
Yeaaah i may be writing this post at 5am but really who gives a fuck. Its my choice to be expressing the shit i feel right now, so let me be. Yeaaah i fucked up enough times, but it seriously doesn't help if you go around telling people shit that isnt necessary to hear, unless the person doesn't give a fuck if you go around telling people. For all the times i fucked up .. im sorry. Not only to you, to everything life i fucked up in. I got enough years in my life to make it up and ill do my best not to do it again. I can't promise on that but ill give it my best shot. .. Shiiit i know forsure i wont be sleeping for a while. Hard to sleep with a lot of things going through my mind and being stressed out. I just hope the best comes out of this post, but i know the shit talking wont stop. I actually dont give a damn anymore. Say what you want to say, lol i cant control you. But i wont give a shit and i know for a fucking good fact that you can NOT control me...

wtf

What am i doing here .. third wheeling shoooooot loll.

Efffffed Up!

Messed up night. Basically it. Once again i am apologizing to you because i honestly did not mean to hurt any feeelings. It was hard for me to sleep tooo..thoughts been going through my head after what i've said and i know it shoudn't of been brought up..it may be no biigs for you but im still feeling baad. Dont worry i wont bring up the fact that this situation happened again, it would just go through my mind here and there now.