You will always be my boo.

.. Look what I've done. I've let her slip away just like that. Why? I wasn't the dude she fell in love with from the beginning. Throughout the relationship ive changed, in a bad way. Everything that I wanted to be for her turned out to be the complete opposite of what I wanted her to expect from me.. Especially me. Yeah, I was there for her, but not 24/7 like I promised. I would be there for her if she needed a ride to work or home or even needed me to give her back massage when she needed it. But at night, that's when I become ghost. It's like I have no control over my body the. I suddenly knock out without knowing how it happened. This doesn't happen a couple of times.. It happens all of the time. I don't even remember the last time I've said sweet dreams to her properly. She would try to wake me up with the pings and phone calls. It I wouldnt wake up. There are way more problems than this but to me I feel like me not being there for her is a big deal. Especially after her Lola passed away.. Till this day, hour, minute, second I feel like shit for not being there for her. And you know what kills me the most? When her Lola passed away I was in the room with her at the hospital, her cousins and Lola. Once everyone said their goodbyes I was the last one there with her tito at the door waiting for me. Before I left the room, I walked up to her, held her cold, soft right hand and told her that I will take care of her granddaughter.. I promise. Kissed her on the forehead and left. Ever since, I've been disappointing the both of them. Always asking for another chance, apologizing and saying that I won't do it again. Not this time. I don't think there is anymore room for chances. It is like I took every chance I got for granted. Although I've made mistakes, I still pray to Lola. Everytime I do, I always tell her to watch over Michelle because I know she needs you. Yet I don't think I have to tell her that because she's always with Michelle and the rest of her family. If I could change the way I've been lately then I would. I just wish I knew how. To be honest this has probably been the lowest I've ever felt. I wish I could take it back to when we were good. To when I had you giddy all of the time when you talk to me. To when I took you to the EX for the first time, when we played ball at the school across from your house, when we used to video chat and so on. Now that you and I are both in the positions we're in, it wont be like that again. Small things do make a big difference. Just know that I wont hurt you this way and maybe you'll soon realize that this is what you needed for you to be happy and focus on you and the other things going on in your life. You won't be disappointed anymore. I wish my actions weren't so stupid.. Now look at us. Never thought I'd be in this situation with you. Just letting you know for the last time that I'm so sorry. What can I do? She was right.. The only time when we argue is when I try to fix things and try hard to keep this relationship. I'm still going to try though, no doubt. That's my girl right there. I miss you, Miche. I love you and you'll always be my boo.

Your welcome.

Hey babe.. so I took it upon myself to try to fix your nasty blogspot,  Lil Wayne.. really? That had to be the first thing to go. It's been awhile since I've played around with templates so this is the best I could do, sorry I don't remember a thing! Anyway, I doubt you'll even use this to vent but if and when you do, feel free to change things around. Okay well you're growing impatient on the phone, silently waiting for me.. :) So I'm getting off this to attend to your fat ass.
Love, michelle.